We took Hana to the feeding specialist again on Wednesday. Not to be dramatic, but it was kind of a failure. Hana has gotten too smart about the bottle and just won’t fall for any of the “tricks” to even put the nipple in her mouth. In fact, she really doesn’t want anything in her mouth or near her mouth. She cried and protested a lot. I would walk out of the room and down the hall, where she would calm down but as soon as we went back into the room she would cry again. We even tried going into a different room but I think she just associates everything in the that building now as some sort of unpleasantness. It is the same place we go for her labwork, echocardiagrams and all Kaiser doctor’s appointments.
The feeding specialist said she was going to try to see if she could get Kaiser to agree to send someone to our home, where she thinks we would have better luck. She is also going to try to get a joint appointment with herself and the physical therapist to work on good feeding positioning. We are also going to take a break from the bottle for a few days but continue with the solid foods. We are going to give the increased dose of Zantac more time to start working before introducing more tools in hopes that she doesn’t associate everything that goes in her mouth with reflux pain. I hope something works!
I would still say that vomiting has gotten better, or, less. Hana did vomit a lot everywhere yesterday which was a big mess. In generally things are definitely getting easier. Also, I am giving myself a little bit of a break this past week. I’m not pumping quite as much, or drinking water and fenugreek tea. I’m not trying quite so hard with the bottle. I’m feeling a bit burnt out. But I can’t let that go on too long, or let things slide too much.
Yesterday, I finally got to an appointment for myself with a primary care doctor. When she asked about a concern I wrote on the questionnaire, “stress of caregiving” I started to cry while trying to tell her about Hana. Then she started to cry. She has an 18-month old son. I think that if I stop too long at any given moment and really give myself a chance to be still I could cry for a long time. I just don’t have time to really let myself do that right now.