High Stakes Caretaking

I am sick with a bad cold. I suppose it was inevitable with the lack of sleep, but I have become a bit more lax in the hand sanitizing since leaving the CVICU. It is a good reminder to get now versus post-transplant but practicing good hygiene is so crucial. It is also important to take care of myself which is incredibly difficult. But, as Hana’s primary caretaker the stakes are too high to gamble with my health because that is ultimately gambling with Hana’s health.
People really like to tell me to take care of myself which almost makes me mad to hear. I would love to take care of myself! If someone could just figure out how I could get the time to do that I would be grateful! Honestly, this week has been the first really stable week in Hana’s time here so I do finally feel okay about stepping away and taking care of myself. I just need to get a good night sleep or more sleep. My brain is not making sense – yesterday I tried to put Hana’s hand in the buckle instead of the actual buckle.

Fortunately we have amazing friends. Our friend Judy came down and spent the night with Hana last night and tonight our friend Lou is staying the night! Last night, after sleeping in my own bed, I felt like I slept on a cloud (that really was my first thought when I woke up). Other friends are sending food which has been so great. We’ve also been getting a fair number of toys which really helps to break up the monotony! I wanted to be a minimalist parent when it came to toys, but having rotating options has been very helpful. 

I really hope Hana does not get my cold because then she will not be allowed to leave the room!

This week has been about going to PT/OT, preschool, going on walks, and trying to get on a sleep schedule. Hana is now on her goal calories of 30kcal/oz for her feeds. She is still getting continuous feeds which is very inconvenient to carry the feeding pump around (another tether!). I am going to push for trying bolus feeds again next week. She has started drinking again – about 4 ounces a day! She is also interested in food and has been doing a lot of food exploration! Hana is still weaning off her methadone and Ativan. Most of her other meds are pretty much at her goal dose although there will be some tweaking as we go on her anti-coagulation meds.

Hana has been happier than I have ever seen her. The Berlin Heart has allowed her to feel better than maybe she’s ever felt. We have so many things to be grateful for! Thank you!