Biopsy Results

Hana had her annual Cardiac Catheterization/Biopsy recently, on Wednesday. This is different than the other times she has had to go to the Cath Lab because once a year they go into the left side of heart as well (they usually just go into the right side of the heart) and measure pressures and look at her coronary arteries. It’s just too risky and invasive to do it every time, especially when the main thing is to get a biopsy of the heart to check for rejection. This is a much longer day at the hospital because Hana has to remain flat for four hours after they remove the catheter from her leg (groin area) and so she is sent to the Short Stay Unit after her recovery in the PACU.

It ended up being a traumatic day. We started off with a blood draw for some medication/drug tests that are timed and needed to be done early in the morning. Typically they try to draw these labs in the Cath Lab when they are placing an IV but the timing of her surgical procedure was just too late today to get the blood drawn for a couple of these important tests. Hana has been doing AMAZING with blood draws lately. She impresses everyone in the lab with how well she does. This was not the case today. I don’t know if the phlebotomist was just having an off day but it was terrible. She was moving the needle around in Hana’s arm and I was about to tell her to stop when she got blood flowing. But then the blood stopped and she had to poke Hana again and again it went poorly and AGAIN she moved the needle around and I was about to say something really nasty (not really but I was really pissed) but then the blood started flowing and I just wanted it to be over for Hana’s sake and her watching me get mad at someone in that situation I don’t believe helps her. I’ve never had to draw blood but I have had someone move a needle around in my arm trying to get blood and I almost passed out. It’s awful and it seems like maybe it is a bad practice, but what do I know?

Then, things go smoothly until its time for Hana to take her pre-med, her versed, to help her relax when it is time to get the gas mask to start her anesthesia in the Cath Lab. The gas mask is another very traumatic event and it has not gone well for Hana, ever. It has always been a struggle and eventually they just hold her down and put the mask on and it is awful to watch but at least with the versed, she doesn’t remember any of it. But oral versed tastes awful and Hana is older now and knows how to refuse but not old enough to understand how it helps her. She was curled up in the bed, hiding her face with both her hands over her mouth. Last time I promised to let her have her oral Nystatin right after the versed to help “chase away” the taste, but this was not a strong enough incentive and that flavoring they use for the versed just doesn’t cover the bad taste enough to convince her. So, she didn’t take it. A Child Life Specialist was there to help try other things to help make the gas mask seem less scary and that seemed to be working really well and so off they rolled to the Cath Lab, playing a game of breathing through the gas mask (not hooked up yet) and blowing out candles on a birthday cake. As I learned later, her comfort switched the instant they switched her from the hospital bed to the Cath Lab table and certainly much effort was made to comfort her but they could not coax her to allow the gas mask so they had to resort to holding her down until she took two breaths. Have you ever had someone hold you under water when you needed to breathe?

Her Cardiac Catheterization seemed to go smoothly and was uneventful as far as I know. She seemed to get out really quickly in the time it takes for me to get some breakfast, chat with two different groups of people I know that I ran into in the hospital, and to make a couple of phone calls. Hana was still very out of it in the PACU when I got there. They did her echocardiagram as she was waking up. She was still very sleepy. Then she was moved to the Short Stay Unit. We spent time watching movies, playing with stickers and she finally got to eat and drink. I have a bag of “tricks” I brought to help keep her occupied but beside lots of different stickers, she really just wanted to watch Octonauts. Her transplant NP came in and we discussed various things including her heart pressures, which were within normal limits for a transplanted heart. Biopsy results take another day.

After her four hours of being flat, the nurse came in and checked her out and then helped me sit her up and get her in my arms so I could carry her to the bathroom because she said she had to go. I sat her on the toilet and stepped back and saw lots of blood and more coming. I shouted for the nurse (the nurses station was right outside her room) and started to pick her back up to get Hana back in bed and the nurse came in and took her the rest of the way. Then two more nurses came in and they held pressure on her catheter insertion site. They got the bleeding to stop, cleaned her up, changed her sheets, and called the Cath team. They said she probably had a small blood clot that was keeping blood from oozing out and when she finally moved, it shifted and then everything started bleeding. I had blood all over my zip up jacket and some on my jeans. The nurses remarked at how calm Hana remained. I like to thing its because I was calm and the nurse all responded in a calm way. But I know it freaked her out a little bit too.

Hana had to go back to being flat for awhile. I guess this was good because it gave me more time to talk to several other people who stopped in the room including the Child Life Specialist and the anesthesiology fellow. The Child Life Specialist and I talked about what happened in the Cath Lab, strategies for next time and she went off and collected an awesome bag of medical play supplies. The pediatric cardiac anesthesiology fellow, who is almost done his fellowship, chatted with me for a long time too and he was upset by how much trauma Hana had to endure with the gas mask and we came up with alternatives for next time as well. In short, he does not think it would be good for Hana to attempt the mask again next time without a pre-med.

After about 90 minutes the nurses slowly started getting her up. She said she didn’t have to go to the bathroom (she never got a chance the previous time!), but I was pretty sure that was just because she was now scared to go. She walked to the bathroom like a pro and did fine. I will also say by this time she was really close to being back to her normal, spunky self so she was cracking me up a little bit at the same time. We managed to get discharged and to our car at 5pm. We got home at 6:30pm about 12 hours after we had left.

Later in the evening, I caught Hana horsing around too much and she had a little more bleeding at her catheter site so we had to change the dressing they put on and she did not like that so she was good about calming down after that. The next day I thought it was okay for her to go to school, her bandaid was free and clear of blood, but she did come home with a saturated bandaid and some on her underwear so I changed the bandaid and cleaned it and I ended up calling the cardiac Cath team as per the instructions I was given. They were not worried. Hana was a little worried.

All in all, I think we have trauma to work through. Hana is such a trooper and so resilient but I never want to take that for granted. I think in the coming days we will need to get some of this out, however that looks. And can I just say, for a moment, I know Hana is enduring all this, but it’s a little hard for me too and I’m always surprised at how exhausted and drained I am after these things. I seem to hold it together just fine, but the moment I get to “relax” I really crash. How many days were like this after Hana was diagnosed but we were at home or when she was in the hospital? How many days did we not have the chance to “relax” or “crash”? Or recover? There were plenty of uneventful days in the hospital but there were also plenty that weren’t, at all or were just plain terrible. And there was never really an uneventful day at home, it was a round-the-clock job. It was like being in survival mode all the time, for years. I think I still operate that way, a little bit, just out of habit.

And as for the results you have all been waiting for? Hana got a big fat ZERO rejection for her biopsy results! We are beyond thrilled! Her next biopsy is in six months!

Also, I wanted to mention that I promised two public updates a year on how Hana was doing. This is the first and I anticipate the next one will be after next biopsy in six months. If you want to access updates between now and then, subscribe by email to the blog and/or join the Hana’s Heart Facebook group.

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Big Changes Coming and Summer Update

It is already August! There are Big Changes coming both in Hana’s life and to this blog so keep reading to find out more. It has been a good summer. One of the things that has made it great is we got to go on vacation! Our summer vacation was centered around going to the Donor Dash – a 5K run/walk in Denver that honors and celebrates organ and tissue donors. Hana’s heart donor, Leo, was from Colorado and his family attends the Donor Dash every year. When I say his family, I mean extended family from a day’s drive away make the pilgrimage to Denver to honor this little boy’s memory. So, this year we decided to attend as well. My parents, two of my sisters and my brother-in-law’s family all attended as well! There were over 50 people on the “Leo’s Pride” team! It was really, really special to be a part of it.

Our summer trip started off by driving from San Francisco to Breckenridge, Colorado via Utah. We spent a week in Breckenridge with my family and then went to Denver for the Donor Dash. After that we drove to Pittsburgh and spent some time with Paul’s family. After that, Paul drove our car all the way back to San Francisco and my parents came out to Pittsburgh and picked up me and the girls and we spent a couple of weeks at their house in eastern Pennsylvania. I feel very lucky that we were able to do all of this and grateful to Paul for holding down the fort back at home while I took the kids to lots of fun places.

But now we are back in San Francisco (and glad to be together again as a family!) and although the weather has been surprisingly nice for August (it is usually cold and very foggy) it feels like our summer is really coming to an end. At the end of the month, Hana will have her annual biopsy. This means that in the Cath Lab they will use the catheter to go into both the right and left side of the heart, measuring heart pressures, taking a biopsy sample and looking at her coronary arteries. Just thinking about it gives me a lot of anxiety about all the “what ifs” so I will just have to keep working on stopping those thoughts in the next couple of weeks because they serve no use. For now, I’ll just focus on keeping Hana healthy so nothing, like getting a cold, delays her biopsy.

So, now for the Big Changes! First, Hana turns FIVE in a week! Second, Hana starts KINDERGARTEN in a week too (on the same day, actually). I can hardly believe it. My heart might break but I think it will be so fun for her. The school is very close to our house, only a block away, so that is really nice. It will be a big adjustment for everyone!

Finally, I am making a big change to this blog. In order to give Hana the opportunity to have a somewhat “anonymous” childhood we have decided to limit what we will share on social media and what we make available online once Hana turns five. Actually, this was something we had decided on when she was born and when she got sick we decided she/we needed all the love and support we could get and we decided to forgo that. We opened up our lives, Hana’s life to all of you. We do not regret that at all. But we feel that Hana deserves the chance to decide what she wants to keep private and what she wants to share, especially as she gets older. Until she can understand what it means to share your life online we will just limit the sharing until she is old enough to decide.

Now, this doesn’t mean that we are suddenly shutting you all out! We will still post updates and pictures but the posts will be password protected. All followers of the blog by email (you receive the blog post as an email) will be emailed the password and members of the Hana’s Heart Facebook group will be given the password. For all the followers of this blog but not by email, I’m sorry, for now I’m not sure how to share a password. If you know, tell me! And if you are a WordPress Whiz and want to suggest another way to protect privacy, please let me know! In addition to all of this, we will still post two public updates about Hana a year (we may still post about events like the Summer Scamper, Donate Life Month etc.). Also, and I hope I never have to do this, but if anything were to really take a turn for the worse than we would certainly reconsider this plan. In other words, no news is good news.

You, readers, supporters have all been a huge, tremendous and powerful force in our lives, in Hana’s life. We are eternally grateful from the bottom of our hearts. It has been a movement that has changed us forever. It has been a joy to share all of this with you. Thank you for sticking this out with us!

Another 1a

Hana had a cardiac catheterization/biopsy on Tuesday. It was her annual study, where they go in to both the right and left side if the heart and they look at her coronary arteries. Everything looked great and biopsy results came back as 1a (which they treat as 0)! So this is all great news! Her next biopsy will be in 6 months and her next clinic appointment is in November!

In other news, we’ve been having fun with my parents here. We went to the California Homeschool conference in San Jose. We’ve finished out my first Tinkergarten season. Now, I’m on a very short whirlwind trip with a friend, my first time away without kids (except when Paul and I got away for a few days when Hana was 9 months). It’s been crazy busy, way too busy. Hana turns 4 on Sunday and next Friday we go to visit my sister’s family in Hawaii!

Thanks for all your readership and support! It means souch to us!

Catching Up

It has been a crazy few months. I am actually a little dumbstruck by how busy it has been. First, I decided to embark on this journey of leading Tinkergarten classes for young children. These are outdoor, child-led, play-driven, nature-inspired classes for children 18-months to 8-years old. It has been fulfilling and yet, A LOT OF WORK. Between the training, the trial classes and the preparation, I am sinking. I know this will level out after I get more experienced but for now, my head is spinning. Second, Corrina’s blood levels tested high for lead so we had to get our home inspected for lead exposure. Her levels were not very high, but still, we had to get a lot of painting, cleaning and repair work done to protect against possible lead exposure. We did get Hana’s lead level tested again (she never had any detectable lead) and it came back as nothing, so that’s one relief. Third, we’ve been preparing for our condo conversion, including our inspection. I’ll spare you the details but basically it means we are legally separating our two unit house (which was once a single-family house). This is very common in San Francisco. It is costly and timely. Lastly, is the usual recovery from vacation (this is a real thing!) and recovery from summer colds.

But enough about that boring stuff!

Hana is doing great! Memorial Day weekend we went camping, thinking the girls were on the other side of the sickness they both had right before we went. Not so. Then the coughing started for both Hana and Corrina. I ended up having to take Hana in for a chest x-ray and a bunch of other tests. Everything came back fine. Paul and I managed to not get sick although we were feeling a little traumatized from the camping trip, because it ended up being so hard with sick kids.

Hana had her ballet recital, which was really fun. If you really want to watch her two dances, you can here:  https://vimeo.com/276555941
Just skip to 19:42 for her class’ tap dance (“If You’re Happy And You Know It”). And 39:44 for her class’ ballet dance (“Bunny Rabbit Blues”). Otherwise, here are a few professional images captured by the photographer Natalia Perez from the dress rehearsal.
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Next, we went to our dear friend, Megan’s wedding. Hana was excited for months/weeks for Megan’s wedding! Now, Megan is very special to us because she came to visit every week while Hana was in the hospital and living at the Ronald McDonald House. It gave me some time to get away for an hour or two and it gave Hana some special time with an amazing person. Even when Hana was back in the hospital for a month with adenovirus, Megan came. We are so sad that she moved to Arizona a few months ago (good for her, but we will miss her so much).
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Then, we had the highly anticipated Summer Scamper, the walk/run on Stanford University’s campus to raise money for the children’s hospital. Thank you to all who donated to the Hana’s Heart team. It was a small team this year and we really missed some of our past year’s team members. But it was a lot of fun. It was our first year doing the event after knowing about Hana’s heart donor, Leo, so that made it really special. We even had a few of Leo’s family members participate as virtual racers! One racer even made a really cool shirt. I had no idea of this until after the event (I guess I need to find more time to check my email.). We went down to Palo Alto the night before where I had gotten a deal on a hotel with a pool. We went swimming and then we went out to dinner. The next day we were able to get to the race quickly. We walked the 5K together as a family and then Hana did the fun run for 3 and 4-year olds! She had mixed feelings about it (because I didn’t run on the track with her, I thought all parents had to be off the track, yet some parents stayed, so it made her a bit sad). I did run right next to her in the grass, though.
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The next weekend we went to Camp Taylor’s family camp for the first time. Camp Taylor is a camp for kids with heart disease. We didn’t go last year because I wasn’t sure how that would work out with a newborn. This year was the first year they had camp at their new facility, so it wasn’t quite what it normally is as they continue to build the camp. Hana had an amazing time. She is still talking about it and can’t wait to go next year.
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After all that fun in June, Paul and I were exhausted. But then we had to rush around to do the lead work, where we had to be out of the house for a couple of days, and then get ready for the condo conversion inspection. I had to get a new phone somewhere in there. Thankfully, the lead work is DONE and the condo conversion inspection is over for the time being (let the real work begin!). My summer season Tinkergarten classes started and I’m getting in a bit of a groove with that so now we are playing catch up on everything else. This past week all of us except Paul had a cold.

We are looking forward to some more fun in our jam-packed August. My parents are coming out and we are headed to San Jose for the annual California Homeschool Conference. This is my first time going, so we will see what the homeschool landscape is all about in California. I’m really looking forward to it, as we need to make some big decisions in the coming months about Hana’s schooling. Between now and then, we need Hana to stay healthy because she has a big day coming up right after the conference, on August 13th, when she has her annual cardiac catheterization and biopsy. Then, a few days later its her birthday and then a few days after that we get to go to Hawaii to visit my sister’s family and my aunt and uncle! Please keep some positive thoughts and prayers coming Hana’s way for her cardiac cath & biopsy. We want her to be healthy and we went everything to look beautiful and come back as no rejection.

Thank you all for following Hana’s journey. We always appreciate all the support. I hope my updates can be more timely in the coming months when, hopefully, things quiet down a little bit for us!
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A Very Special Heartversary – Remembering Leo

Today, Memorial Day, is the 2nd anniversary of Hana receiving her new heart, her gift of life. Yesterday, far away in Colorado, a family, Leo’s family, was remembering him on the two-year anniversary of the day he died. Leo was a toddler, full of life, who touched the hearts of those around him in a special way. He was, of course, cherished by his parents, Kelly and David and his extended family. His first word was “Dada”. He started walking at 10-months old and quickly started running after that. He loved ZZ top. He liked to eat goldfish crackers, puffs, potatoes and BBQ ribs.

Leo had a few unexplained seizures, the first one at six-months old after his six-month vaccinations. He was admitted overnight to the hospital. Then, a couple more after that, but everything checked out fine, so they figured it was something he would outgrow and put him on medication to prevent further seizures. Then, one day in May while sitting on his father’s lap he became unresponsive. They administered emergency medication, called 911 and he was rushed to the hospital where he had a grand mal seizure. Leo was life flighted to the children’s hospital in Denver and 12 hours later his seizure finally stopped but left him in a coma that he would never come out of. After 8 days in the hospital, he was gone.

When you have a child, your heart changes forever. You are never the same person again. So, I imagine when you lose that child, your heart gushes with so much grief, it must feel hard to ever stop or slow down. Your child is gone but you are still that changed person, never going back to being that child-less person you once were and now there is a piece of you so vital that is now missing. So, in the midst of all of that, David and Kelly, Leo’s parents made the incredibly selfless choice to donate Leo’s organs. His kidneys went to a recipient and his heart, his perfect heart, came to Hana. So sweet, sweet Leo was gone but his heart beats on as Hana’s gift of life.

On this day, I celebrate Hana’s second chance at life and remember and cherish Leo’s life. The boy he was, the people who loved him so much. Please, if you can, take a moment or more and say a prayer, spare a thought, send positive vibes to Leo’s family and remember what a precious gift he was to them.

At the end of January we received a letter from Leo’s parents. We replied with our own letter a couple weeks later. Then, a week or so ago we got a call from the nurse practitioner at Stanford saying that the family has requested a consent to release our personal information, so that we can contact each other without having to go through the donor network. I sent in the release but since I had found Leo’s mother, Kelly, on Facebook, I decided to send her a message. So, that’s how we’ve been communicating. I hope in the coming months, years we to get to know the family better and learn more about Leo.

In other news, things have been busier than ever. Corrina turned 1-year! Hana successfully weaned off steroids! Hana had another biopsy which came back good, a 1a, which they treat as no rejection. Her next biopsy will be in August for her annual cardiac catheterization and biopsy. We went back to Pennsylvania to see family for a week! I’ve been doing training and preparation to lead Tinkergarten classes this summer (outdoor, play-based, child-led nature activities). Both kids were pretty sick this last week but managed to recover enough for us to go camping this Memorial Day Weekend. Now, they are settling into some bad coughing, so hopefully this too can pass without any drastic measures.

We are in the final month before the Summer Scamper which support the children’s hospital at Stanford – Lucile Packard Children’s Hospital. You can support Hana’s Heart team, especially in memory of Leo. With your help more children can get a second chance at life.

Lastly, please remember the importance of organ donation. If you haven’t already, register to be an organ donor.

Finally, Another Biopsy

Today, Wednesday, Hana finally had her follow up biopsy to the 1b result she got back in November. They wanted her to have her follow-up biopsy a month later in December but Hana was sick and so it was canceled and couldn’t be rescheduled until the end of January. We got to go to the brand new hospital, which is right next door to the old hospital. It is beautiful and new and fun for the kids. Biopsy days are always exhausting for me. Its the preparing, getting up early, packing, figuring out care for Corrina and then there is the mental and emotional drain, which is probably the most exhausting. This time, my mom was here for the biopsy. She and Corrina came with us to the hospital, which makes things easier for us.

When Hana’s biopsy was over and she was in recovery but still asleep from her anesthesia, they called me back to the Consultation Room to talk to the surgeon who did the procedure. They almost never do this for routine biopsies so I started to get really worried that things had not gone well. I sat in the Consultation Room for a long time trying to calm my fears. I had Corrina with me while my mom went back to the recovery room where Hana was waking up. After 20 or so minutes someone finally came in to tell me they had talked to the surgeon and she had to go and would talk to me later. I was relieved because I was almost positive that this meant everything was fine. But for twenty minutes I was pretty stressed.

Hana’s Nurse Practitioner came out to talk to me and was looking for a private room, which made me nervous again because they don’t do that unless they have some kind of news. We found a empty sitting area and went over Hana’s results so far. Her heart pressures are improved since her last Cath Lab procedure and are in normal range of a transplanted heart. Her echocardiogram also looked fine. So that’s reassuring. That is all good news. Her biopsy results should be in tomorrow (Thursday) so we will know if they are seeing any rejection. Then, Nancy told me she had more good news. I couldn’t imagine what this could possibly be. Unfortunately, I will have to keep you all in suspense for now. More on that in the next day or so.

In the meantime, I want to introduce you to two special boys that are the sons’ of a childhood friend of mine.27605374_10155962716568830_1905743854_o

Michael and Jon Dougherty are participating in a fundraising event through the American Heart Association. They are doing a jump rope event where they learn to jump rope, learn about their heart and raise money to help kids with special hearts. Both boys have chosen to jump in honor of Hana. If you feel moved to do so, you can choose to support their fundraisers by following these links:

Michael: http://www2.heart.org/site/TR?px=6657997&pg=personal&fr_id=3191&et=9-2w0hbcXW7w9L1KXVB1_g

Jon: http://www2.heart.org/site/TR?px=9303519&pg=personal&fr_id=3191&et=dhLUceL_IFTUNNl2ChGSDw

Stay tuned!