It’s more than seven hours post-extubation and Hana is still doing well. Her heart rate is still very low, but the heart failure/transplant doctor said she looked great. But still, but still… well I will try to sleep anyway and remind myself to put away fearful thoughts.
She spent a lot of awake time with my parents – hearing stories and being entertained by toys. I hope tomorrow I have more time like that with her. I hope I can figure out how to mother her well, I have no experience to draw from to prepare me for this scenario.
Hana spent several long moments looking at me with sad eyes. This troubled me. I hope she is not feeling that we have failed her by letting strangers poke, prod, twist, stick and drug her. I hope she has not lost her trust that we are here to love and protect her. I hope she is not sad. But maybe all the above are true. I might feel the same if I were her, not understanding because she is so young. Maybe I have a sad baby who does not feel loved and protected by her parents. I will do my best to change this.
Today Hana turned six months old! What a way to do it!
I love this sweet baby.