Hana had a fussy night and I think I was up every ten minutes or so for a couple of hours. Maybe this is her new normal? Maybe this is her acting like the six-month old that she is? It’s funny, when we brought her home from the hospital, part of me thought we would be trying to get her back to the baby she was when all this started, forgetting that she is a month older! Of course she is going to be different, she is now six-months old instead of five.
It was a good day – she had smiles and laughs for us! She also had some major poopy diapers (the kind where poop shoots up their back). She also vomited before bed. So, I guess this is the new normal, another day with Hana. She didn’t nap well at all, one time she rolled off her bed (we have a lowbed, which is a infant safe mattress on the floor instead of a crib). She drooled a lot, so maybe she is teething again. She is a lot like a normal baby, with normal baby things and you could almost forget that she has a very sick heart.
I write the above sentence and it feels eerie, the part, “she has a very sick heart.” I wish I were saying, “She HAD a very sick heart.” When I see her doing so well I have confidence she is going to be fine. I don’t know if I am setting myself up for disappointment. I don’t want to take the wellness she has right now for granted. I don’t want to forget many of the things I’ve learned and discovered and felt and feel. We have her today. When I was putting her down for bed. I felt her little body under my hands as I patted her to sleep. I kissed her and I felt grateful that I got another day when, at one point, I thought I wouldn’t get one and I felt lucky and grateful that I had another day with Hana.